A Fear

“Things aren’t always what they seem. Our fears can play tricks on us; making us afraid to change course, afraid to move on. But usually hidden behind our fears are second chances, waiting to be seized. Second chances. . . . . . . . .at life, at. . . . .glory, at. . .family, at love. And these opportunities don’t come around everyday. So when they do, we have to be brave, take a chance and grab them, while we can.” – Barry Allen(aka Flash), The Flash, CW DCTV Show

In this new world, where families are nucleus in size (3-4 members), friendship seems to be becoming a rapidly missing phenomenon, pdf and docs are hard to finish so forget about the books and family lunch or dinners are less cheered than gaming in phone or tab; we have surprisingly and slowly grown a fear. Yes! A fear in this brave new world. Surprising, but ever existing. It is the fear of rejection.

Most of the times when we ask people for something, we expect a positive reply. Of course, a negative reply can break our heart, make us angry and sometimes even prompt us in making bad(harmful) choices. But these days, we simply choose not even to ask. Why? We might just hear no!

Asking a university project group member for something and getting negative reply, it should not really mean that bad. But it does! Suddenly we start feeling that the person has some issue with us or we are the ones with some problem. This leads to us believing that from the next time, it would be better not to ask. Which obviously then leads to situations that could easily have been handled, tasks that could quickly and efficiently be finished, but we never asked for the assist.

We love going to tours. Whether it is with friends, cousins, a tour group, a loved one or all by ourselves; a tour is always something we look forward to. If we can manage the financials all by ourselves, awesome. If we can’t, it means we are still dependent on our parents for that. Many of us feel the need to not add any extra pressure on our parents who are already doing a lot. So, we just do not ask for it. Result, we don’t get to make it to the trip. Whereas asking for it could easily have generated a positive reply. Even if it did not, how embarrassing can it be to hear no from parents, the only two people in the world who truly care for you?

Most of us have friends in our lives. Some of them are very near and dear to us, while some others are just there(and sometimes not!). These friends sometimes get a little far from us for their new job, relationship, commitment, location and many other factors. And we try not to bother them much by asking for anything. We forget that those are still our friends. Their life might not be what it was, but they are still the same person. Asking them for something, how much worse can it be to get rejected by a friend? Not asking however, is creating distance, by us!

The all too familiar dilemma, “Should I tell her/ him or should I not?!” has struck many if not the most of us at least once. We keep wondering, making critical analysis, doing all the Einstein-like maths in our brains, think about the possible good and bad future on both sides and eventually decide to not tell the person how we feel about them. Sometimes the reasoning is, losing them as a friend would be disastrous. And sometimes, we just feel that hearing no from them would break our heart so bad that we may never recover. Trust me(personally), people do recover. But the decision to not tell them have potentially taken away your possibility of having a greater life with your loved one. Just because you were afraid to tell them!

Should everyone openly say anything they feel? Should we just as simply go and tell anyone and everyone how we feel about them? Not really. Sometimes, we do need to understand the situation, concerned people, their way of life and maybe even ours. Saying things out loud and being straight forward can backfire too. But living a life itself is an opportunity cost, of not living it, isn’t it? It’s your decision as to what you would choose to do. Say it and then regret saying it. Or not say it and then regret that you could say it.